Waiter
by Shin-raw
Summary: Leon is a normal guy, with a normal job wanting to be fired from it. Pycho boyfriend and some crazy friends. But he survives. :
1. Trouble is Aloof

_Author's Note: Hope you enjoy, Yaoi and funnies. There will be another chapter. Don't know how long to make it. REVIEWS._

**Disclaimer: I don't own kingdom hearts, or final fantasy, jesus , or satan or god.**

**Genesis: Maybe this won't be so bad.**

**Angeal: Maybee...**

**  
Shin-raw: Read and REVEIW!! do both not just one :**

_**Waiter**_

_Chapter 1: Trouble it aloof_

Leon started his way towards yet another table. The lights hurt his eyes because they were so damn bright. He looked around for someone else to take this order. It had been a long night, working at a job that you want to get fired from but your boss won't fire you...

Asshole Leon thought.

He sighed and made his was towards the table. The couple that happened to be sitting there, were just a bitchin about stupid shit.

"Oh the stake isn't cooked right."

"This doesn't taste like ice cream."

Blah Blah...blahh. They thought since it didn't taste the best, they were entitled to free food.

Leon put on the fakest smile and walked towards the table.

"Hello, how may I help you?"

"You can get us some free food." The, what appeared to be 900lbs man said.

"And some better ice cream" His equally large wife put in.

Leon thought about what to do next, he could kindly do as they ask or do what he always does. He went with plan B.

"Listen, I don't think either of you need any more food. I can hear that poor chair screaming bloody mercy, because your fat ass is sitting on it. Now when inatimate objects scream, you gotta a problem. I'm not going to get you anything else unless your willing to pay. Oh and the reaon why it may not taste like ice cream is because you eat that all the time so it might just taste like ass cream...in your case."

The couple sat there dumbfounded.

"Now is there anything else that I can help you with?" Leon finished, smiling ever so sweetly.

The woman sat up," I want to speak to your manager!" She stated.

"Hey now don't break the floor that you walk on, we need that for other customers too."

She got up and walked towards a different worker. Then she struted off towards Cid's door.

"Shit.." Leon mumbled under his breath.

He looked over towards the door and frowned at who walked in.

Aerith and Tifa. Or as he liked to call them. Jesus and Satan...Actually it's more like what they like to call each other.

They were seated and waited for their food. Maybe they wouldn't cause a roucous tonight...he looked towards them and saw them engage in a bitch fight...yeah and maybe he was just as pychotic as his boyfriend.

He walked towards Aerith and Tifa.

"What are you two doing here?" he asked.

"STAY AWAY HOMO!" Aerith pleaded, she made her fingers form an X towards Leon.

"A huh" Leon said. Thinking it may have been smarter to have left her and Cloud in the insane asylum, and for the hell of it Tifa can go with them.

"We decided to get something to eat so why not come here, and see our friend." Tifa said giving Leon the cheesiest smile, she wanted something.

"Your not getting Cloud, Tifa. stop trying."

"Damn it" she said.

"BE QUIET SATAN!" Aerith screamed.

"Oh would you just shut up!" Tifa said.

After that Aerith started to pray.

Tifa sighed.

"Your like freaking Jesus all over again." Tifa said.

"I can not hear your words Satan.They do not effect me." said Aerith.

"Whatever" Tifa said.

Aerith gave her a death glare and while clutching her rosary she whispered," May there be poison in your food."

Tifa stared at her suddenly afraid of what might come.

Seifer walked back with their meals and then walked off.

Aerith started to pray, and Tifa just dug right in.

Leon turned and saw Zack,Cloud and Sephiroth come in.

Cloud was gripping onto Sephiroth's arm, for dear fucking life.

Zack was trying to pry him off. While Sephiroth just stared at Cloud.

"Seph's not your boyfriend he's mine Cloud."

"No." Cloud said " Mine, Me is Zack."

"No you is not." Zack found himself saying. I guess Cloud's lingo was contagious.

"I AM ZACK" Cloud screamed.

"NO YOUR NOT" Zack said loudly.

"Leon is your boyfriend."

Thanks Zack, announce to the whole fucking world I'm gay.

Leon pinched the brigde of his nose.

" Hi guys" he said.

"Oh hey Leon" Zack said, having a hold of Cloud and finally ripping him off of Seph.

"Follow me."

Leon seated them and walked off to give the order the the fattest person he ever knew. The chef.

Leon didn't feel in the mood to make fun of him because of size today. So he didn't , everyone else took his place though.

He hung the order on a hook and left it there, he would eventually come back to check and get the food.

Suddenly Cid came out of his office waving a double barrel shotgun, looking for one person.

"LEON!" He yelled.

Leon turned and saw Cid waving it.

"Oh my GODZ" Leon said.

"DON"T USE MY NAME IN VAIN" Aerith screamed.

A shotgun bullet shot off and Leon ran and hid in the women's bathroom.

"You got balls Leonhart." Cid said. Not taking a step into the women's restroom for his fear of them.

That was close, Leon thought.

He was crouched underneath a sink.

He pulled a candy bar out of his jacket and started to munch on it.

After thirty minutes he thought it appeared to be safe.

He got up, walked out and got Zack's and the rest of them their food.

"I love you Seph." Cloud said.

Sephiroth looked at Cloud,confusingly.

Zack put his hands in his head and sighed deeply.

Leon walked towards Zack and rubbed his back.

"It's okay Zack. "He'll snap out of it eventually...eventually.."

"Cloud your not Zack, your Cloud."

Cloud looked at Leon dumbfoundedly.

"Yes Cloud, it's the truth."

"No."

"Yes"

They went back a forth on this for a good 10 minutes.

Cloud finally stopped and just hung on to Seph's arm.

Leon was forced to leave to go and sit some other customers.

These people were just bitches. A whole group of girls.

They ordered, not only off the menu but parts they wanted off of Leon.

Oh I'll give you something good Leon thought.

He dropped the order off and told the cheft to make it extra spicy and greasy. Just for them.

He waited for the food. When he got it he spit in it.

He smiled as he brought it to them.

"I gave you laides something special." Leon said.

All the girls giggled and ate their food.

Leon walked off laughing.

He looked towards the clock.

15 more minutes and then he'd be done.

Hopefully nothing happened...too late.

Author's note: Left ya at a cliffy. I'm so evil. Muahahaha. Expect YAOI. and more couples.

Thanks for reading.

Genesis: That was weird.

Angeal: Creeppyyy...

Shin-raw: REVEIWS.!


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note**: Hey sorry didn't update ASAP. But here it is. Chap 2. Been busy. So Enjoy and please review. If you guys like it review not just favorite it. Please! I know there are errors but bare with me :/ I apologize for how long it's taken me write this chapter. Been really really busy.

Genesis:Here we go...

Angeal:I know....

**Disclaimer**:I don't own anything.. Well some stuff but not any of the characters

_1111111111111111111111111111111111_

_**Chapter 2: OH MY GODZZ! Some things never change.**_

Leon started to seat others and take their orders. Everytime he walked back up tp the kitchen he heard the other waiters making fun of the chef.

He walked back over to the table where Zack and group was sitting and eating their food. Cloud leaned over and attempted to kiss Sephiroth's face. And Zack looked just about ready explode. Which wasn't good. He was bending his fork backwards and dropped it. After Cloud's failed attempt he just sat there with one eye going completly to the otherside of his head. He looked like the epitomy of a retard,. But Leon loved him.

Then he did something that shouldn't have been done. He stole Zack's brownie and ate it.

Zack looked over at him dumbfounded. Then it was like a freakin nuclear bomb went off in this tiny stupid freakin resteraunt.\

"You can attempt to take my man, and attempt to kiss him but when you eat my damn brownie you've gone to damn far.."

Cloud looked up and all he said was. "Me is Zack, you is Cloud."

Leon shook his head and started to weight the options of how much a permanent room at a mental institute would cost.

Zack got up and grabbed Sephiroth by the arm.

"Sorry Leon , I really just can't take it anymore, I'll talk to you later." He said

"Alright see ya Zack, you to Seph." Leon Said.

"Bye."

Right before Zack left he took a brownie off of a differnt table and then left with Sephiroth, the other person came back and looked stupid.

Leon thought about all this, he had to serve all the fathogs and watch his crazy boyfriend. But he only had 10 minutes left what could possibly happen.

Nothing... Hopefully...

Leon looked over towards Aerith and Tifa and Tifa had started to turn colors for some strange ass reason...Maybe her food really was poisoned.

Aerith was fine but then again she thought that she was God...

Leon started to look around the restraunt and noticed something very strange. There was a floating shadow on the floor but no one around to cast it.

He looked up and saw Yuffie.

"Oh shit.." He thought.

She probably wanted to eat the sweets that were everywhere. It didn't matter if they were in the trash or had crap on them, if it was sweet she'd eat it.

He watched her drop off the ceiling and onto Aeriths and Tifa's table. And grab there food and make an animal sound and ran off.

Aerith ran after her and shouted.": Give that back you demon."

TIfa got up and fell over and then changed into a bug, which Aerith came back and first prayed then stepped on her, Leon heard a crunchy then Aerith prayed again and ran off after Yuffie.

Well no more Tifa.

No more freaking Cloud stealer.

And no more headaches.

YAY. Leon thought.

He looked over and saw Cloud playing with a fork and a spoon.

He walked over to see what he was actually doing.

"I'm a little spoony and i am round, here is my spoon and here is my handle, when I get used i get dirty so that really pisses me off."

"I'm a little forky and I poke eyes out because I'm cool like that.."

Leon looked dumbfounded at the stupidity of Cloud.

Leon looked at the clock and saw the miracle he'd been waiting for.

His shift was over.

He could hear the angels rejoice and the Halleluha's being yelled.

His day was over, but he knew that he'd wake up the next day and deal with it tomorrow but today was done.

He walked towards Cloud and tried to reason with him.

"Alright Cloud, you need to come with me."

"Why?"

"Because I love you and we need to go before Cid realizes that I'm leaving, and attempts to kill me."

"Why?"

"Because he's a dumbass that's why."

"Why?"

"Alright go get your ass in my car, and stop asking why damn it."

"Why?"

Leon decided to man handle him.

He picked him up and threw him over his shoulder. And then took him out to his car. Cloud was saying the whole time, Why?

They got in the car and it was fairly silent except of the litlte noises made by Cloud that sounded like ships and airplanes.

They got to Leon's house and he and cloud went inside.

They got inside and Leon thought that it would be like every other night he'd sleep on the couch and Cloud would sleep in his bed. He didn't like it if he wasn't Sephiroth so Leon just stopped trying.

But tonight was different. He laid Cloud to bed and heard Cloud wimper.

He turned and looked.

Cloud was sitting up and looking at Leon.

"Are you leaving?" he asked with his big blue eyes and cute ass face.

"No I'll be out there."

"No." Cloud said.

"Leon stay with me." he said.

Leon smiled and thought maybe this realationship wasn't so bad, he loved Cloud and knew that progress took time. He had plenty.

Maybe he was happy Tifa was gone. Yeah maybe.

Leon laid down with Cloud and the fell into a nice slumber.

7777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777

**Author's Note: **I'm soo sorry that it took me so long. My computer has been off and I've been busy. Thank you for all that have read. I might be making an another story, with this, but not sure. I'll let you know, kay?

But thanks, read and reveiws people.

And I know this isn't as funny as the other one but deal with it. And sorry about the Tifa bashing but she's not one of my favorite charcaters and and neither is Aeirh if your wondering so if you wanna bitch about me bashing them, don't because you'll get a deaf ear.

Anyways thanks everyone! Hope you liked it.

if I get a lot of reviews and stuff I'll make another one but if not then don't count on it.

Angeal: That was actually kinda cool...

Genesis: yeah. I guess so... You need to write something about the us.

Me: Alright I'll see about that, bye! And thanks


End file.
